It never fails that as soon as I head into my studio to clean up from a session that the kids join me and take full advantage of the left over props. This last session – I brought in balloons. Carefully hidden away from my two year old until after the session – she was giddy with excitement when she saw them tonight. Giddy enough… to eat her dinner , take a bath, clean up her toys and brush her teeth. By the end of the night she had earned all of the balloons. I think it is time to invest in a helium tank.

Ok – so I really don’t have idle time as this new gig  has become a full time deal. But as I was planning out a newborn shoot that is just around the corner – I came up with this fun idea. I immediately phoned a friend who had a baby 2 months ago. Do you have a bathing suit for your daughter??? Her response…”not yet – but they are on SALE!” So I frantically ran into Wal-mart – praying that they still had floats out at the end of the summer. Thankfully – there it was – CLEARANCE!!  Now fingers crossed – that they have one small enough for a 2 month old…. DING DING DING!!!  Now you may be wondering why I wouldn’t just do this for my newborn shoot…. but I have learned the hard way – not to try new ideas, new blankets, new fabrics without running a test run..TEST RUN was a success – I love how this shot turned out.

ok – I am trying to slow down a  little and start enjoying this ride I am on. With that said – I love I heart faces and wanted to join in this competition. This photo was taken in an attempt to freeze time and capture the love these children have for their dog. Diagnosed with a terminal cancer, Molly didn’t have many days left. When the family called and asked if I could come over and take some photos before she passed, I rushed right over. This photo has always stood out as one of my favorites.

Hayden going into first grade has kinda knocked me in the gut. By now, back to school clothes are purchased and new backpacks have been picked out. Normally a back to school party is thrown to celebrate the class of 2023. This year however – I was not prepared – which has made it harder for me to accept that my little guy is heading into the first grade. Seeing how much he changed last year. Evolving from my baby to a little boy who calls me dude, says “AWESOME” – Gives his friends wedgees, makes arm fart noises…. not to mention the two teeth he lost.  So when I finally took a break from editing yesterday – I ran to the stores filled with mom guilt/ anxiety. I MUST find him new clothes, He needs a new backpack and as we sat down for dinner – the waterworks started. As he snuggled in close to me while he ate his sliders – I knew that our time is running short. Soon he will be too cool to snuggle me… desperate to be bigger then he needs to be.

So this morning it was no surprise that Hayden could not wait to get school. I tried to get him to slow down and eat breakfast. THAT didn’t happen, I tried to get a photo..I got it – but he wasn’t happy about it. As we walked into his classroom – it became even more chaotic. Apparently as we made it through the hallways – my fancy sunglasses broke. As I grabbed Emerson – Dan went to go find the piece. ..Emerson starts screaming that she wants BoBos popcorn, My dress that ties around my neck is getting looser which is becoming way too low cut for this mama to be comfortable . I bend down to look at Emerson and my MONSTER camera knocks her in the head. MORE TEARS!!! Emerson throws her apple.  By the time – the LaBianca Tornado leave – I feel that I have sufficiently embarrassed my child enough – no time for tears. As I peek through the window – Hayden is making a silly face with his friend and doesn’t even know that we have left. …and life goes on….

When Hayden was born and we found out that he had bleeding disorder, I went into protection mode. For his first 3 years of his life – I wanted NO ONE to know. That sounds silly doesn’t it. But I needed to figure out how to raise my son to be strong and brave  and since this was a new world for me – I didn’t want people to feel sorry for us or worry  about him. A typical fear that people have is that he would bleed to death.  I also knew that it was human nature for people to want to gossip about other peoples hardships and it disgusted me. I didn’t want my son to be  the subject of that type of gossip.  I needed his life to be normal….or maybe I was just wishing my life would go back to normal. I remember calling Children Protective Service in tears. I had just read an article that said parents of children with hemophilia are  normally seen as child abusers b.c of the bruising that the children have on them. In tears, I pleaded  for them to put my name in a system that would say the Hayden had Hemophilia and that his mom would never hurt a single hair on his body – for he was her life.  They didn’t do it…and I cried the entire day . I came up with different ideas that would allow Hayden to grow up in a world where he didn’t think he was sick. Against the dr. suggestions we had a port placed  before his first bleed. They wanted to see  how he would bleed first. I  couldn’t understand what the point was. Wasn’t  it my job to protect him from ALL bleeds. We call his medicine powerboost since I decided that if we called it medicine he would naturally think he was sick.  While holding my breath – I let him climb those stairs to the slide and hoped that he wouldn’t fall. We don’t use the word Hemophiliac. I personally despise the word. Hayden is NOT a hemophiliac. He is a little boy, with BIG BROWN eyes and freckles… and he has hemophilia.I have kept my fears close to my heart.. and allowed Hayden to be Hayden ..skinned knees and all. Well, we are now 6 years into this journey and I can’t begin to tell you all that I have learned. With only small speed bumps in the road, we have been blessed. I am now confident that we have raised a strong boy who is not defined by anything other then his sweet nature, silly laugh, and love of legos.  With that said, soon we will be  entering a new phase of this journey. Today we had his port checked out and it looks like it is coming to the end of it life span.We will be soon be removing his port and we (my husband ) will start to learn how to infuse him through his veins. To say that we are scared – is a complete understatement. Lets  put it this way,  It took two of us to infuse him for  3 years b.c he wouldn’t sit still for a stick to his port. By keeping our journey such a private part of our lives it is hard for people to truly understand what we go through. I asked Hayden if I could take his pictures today as I am ready to start sharing this part of our lives with everyone.  You have seen photos of my boy  and have seen his love for life. Today his tears fell and as I held his hand and put my head on his head- I whispered that  he was the bravest boy I know …and that he is – My little lego architect.

Photos were shot from the hip – so not perfectly composed. I didn’t want Hayden to think I was documenting his sadness and fear.

I have had a number of people say that I am obsessed (Josh Pregram). The thing is – that I am and I am ok with it. L.L.P is my baby – born from my passion – that was only unearthed when I found the confidence to start my own business.  What I have become really obsessed with are the eyes. As soon as I heard the word catchlight , I was hooked. Even today , when my friend Angie came to drop my son off and we were chatting about our vacations…. I found myself admiring her beautiful catchlights… wishing I had my camera so that I could take her photo. Maybe this is a sickness – and if that is the case , I hope I never find the cure. Here are some of my favorite portrait shots.

The first one is one of my faves b.c you can see the sun rising in her eyes.