After grabbing my kids bright and early and running to the beach to check out lighting for a photo shoot – I promised a doughnut run on our way home. Looking like one frazzled mom, I walked into Dunkin Doughnuts with a half dressed 2 year old squirming to get out of my arms and my 6 year old asking over and over again ”Mom can I have a Gatorade” . As I was paying for my order – a lady looked at me and quietly said – “That was the best time of my life”. She said it with such sadness that it hit my core. Is this it?? Is this the best time of my life? I know I am absolutely in love with everything about my life. Great husband, amazing kids, supportive and loving friends, nice home, annoying dog….. you get it -things are just simple and good. So maybe this is the best time of my life. It is so crazy to think back to the early years where I was so desperate to be 16.. which quickly became ” OHHHH, I can’t wait to be 21″ Then life became about trying to figure out who I was in my 20′s, let me tell you how fun that era was. Finally my bright light, at 27 I met my man. Soon the “time dance” reared its ugly head again and life became ” I can’t wait to get married” and then we were married and “I can’t wait to have kids”… and as we painfully struggled through invitro…. I remember saying ” I just want to fast forward time so that I have all of my kids in my arms” . I now sit at the ripe old age of 37 trying to strike a deal with Father Time to just slow down a little bit, (apparently he doesn’t take bribes.) I know that in a blink of an eye – the best time of my life – will soon turn into the best time of my childrens life. So what can I do but try to absorb all that is great in my life. My son is going into first grade today, my daughter sleeping in a big girl bed and waking us up every morning screaming at the end of our bed “MOP, I found you” ( still not quite sure why she calls me Mop, and not quite sure why I love it so much), them both waking up at 4:30 this morning and climbing into my bed..only to have the annoying dog jump up and take the last bit of free space.. Even potty training has me giggling as Emerson is so proud of the trickle. Something so simple but yet monumental in her short little life. Best time of my life……ABSOLUTELY!! Will I regret not appreciating how special this time is? Never. I now believe that the sadness I heard in her voice on that early morning was that she didn’t realize that being a mom was the best time in her life .Maybe she had wished potty training would go faster and that the kids would just stay in their beds so she could sleep. Maybe she couldn’t wait for her son to go to first grade because then she would have more “me time” and in the end, the best time of her life simply just passed her by.
Archive for the ‘My life..’ Category
I am constantly searching for new locations to keep my work fresh and creative. Alot of times this means that I have to bring Ms. Em along for the ride. I can use her eyes as I plan out where the lighting is best. This time I had a twinge of guilt – With my son, we did these things to watch the world through his eyes… and now I do these thing because I need help for work. Was I jipping Ms. Em? As I went through the photos I decided - that even though I was taking her with me on location checks – she was still absorbing all that is new in the world. With excitement she yelled to the ducks – with desire – she gulped down the coca-cola that I brought along as a prop. Does she feel jipped – doesn’t look like it to me.
Well, I just got home from the most amazing trip. When I booked this trip – I was literally shaking in my boots. I prayed that maybe I would get typhoon fever so that I would have to cancel my trip. To say I was scared is an understatement. I am that mom – who NEVER leaves her kids. They are my life – so when my in-laws insisted on coming out to watch the kids so that I could travel to CA to do photo shoots – how could I say NO…. Trust me I tried more angles then a mathematician. Fortunately I was so busy before my trip that I didn’t have time to worry ( although I still prayed for typhoon fever). This trip was so inspiring for me. It made me feel ALIVE…even if I was afraid. It was hard to go into a shoot with a creative design for the shoot – when I was unsure of locations and lighting but in the end – I feel like I captured some of my most favorite photos to date. Here are some of my favorite images.
So despite the tears that started on our way to the airport – they quickly subsided as Emerson started to scream b.c she wanted my phone. A quick reminder why this work trip was desperately needed. As I sit on the plane …one xanax in – I know how good this is for me. Allowing your children to see you follow your dream is a lesson that I never thought I would teach my children. I know that I am fortunate to have a passion that allows me the benefit of making my own schedules, my own boundaries – a passion that lets me to still be hands on with my children. Dan was so excited – yet nervous for me as he gathered up everything that I needed as if he was sending his youngest off to college. I love that about him .His passion is us.. me. He has always said he loved me more than life and not one day have I doubted that. So the journey begins. My first stop is LA where I get to shoot my beautiful niece Elle. Ideas have been brewing and we start our adventure at the Santa Monica Promenade. Los Angeles is my home. It is where I would love to live … if I won the lottery twice. To me it has the perfect mix of diversity. fashion and life. OK the flight attendant is giving me that “look” – the one that says turn off your electric devices… ao ciao for now. MY NEXT ADVENTURE – RENTING A CAR. It has been 8 years since I did it on my own and I doubt I still have the skills to flirt for the upgrade. … but don’t you know that I am not afraid to ask.
Don’t you know that with all my new found camera knowledge that I was determined to capture those sought after firework shots. So when we were invited to watch the FC Fire game at suite level and to watch the firework show – you know I jumped at the chance. With tri-pod in hand and my settings ready, I started shooting .. and shooting and shooting. The thing about shooting fireworks is that you have to shoot before the firework bursts. So while I knew my settings were perfect – it ended up being all about timing. Here are those Firework shots – and just a few more from that day. HAPPY fourth – Celebrate your independence!!
That bubble would be where I have been since I gave birth to my babies. I have become very complacent with my way of life. I am very happy with how simple my life is. I don’t have a grass is greener mentality… anywhere my family is and I am happy…perhaps it is because of the struggles it took to get here. With that said – I have never left my children – they pretty much go where we go. I know, I know – all you people in cyberland — hold your judgements – I know how important it is to have alone time .. maybe a girls trip – or a second honeymoon – BUT remember I have a son who has medical needs and to hop on a plane has never been an option for me ….. until now. So here I type – 1 day out from leaving on my first Photo shoot trip. With waves of anxiety (just had one while writing that) – I am afraid to fly (been fearful for as long as I can remember) …xanax should solve that problem. But how to handle missing my kids – that is not something that xanax can take care of. My in-laws A.K.A the best grandparents EVER will be flying in as I fly out. So I know my kids will be in good … scratch that.. .AMAZING hands. Hayden and Emerson are pretty independent – so I don’t think that they will pine for me. They actually might not know I am gone for a couple of days. My husband is a 2011 Mr. Mom – so he will be ok…ok now I think I just convinced myself that they might not even miss me. I kid – I know they will miss me – but I believe they are so confident in my love for them that they know I will be back. So off to CA to do something that will challenge my level of photography. As someone only 9 months in – I still am learning. Learning about lighting and learning about my camera settings. I fly into LA and have my first shoot and then head down to good ol’ San Diego for the remainder of my trip – shooting old friends and family. So I invite you to join me – on this insane ride… filled with ups and downs and a little bit of debt (thanks to my love of props and gear) … learning to balance and learning to allow myself the joy of being more then just a wife and mother to two beautiful kids.
++ on another note – it took me an hour of blowing bubbles before I got this shot… it was the last blow I did…….What we do for a perfect shot.